the CHEbeh EXpression…

I’m taking a hiatus from blogging….

how long? erm…. few months perhaps? Till when I feel like it. hahaha. Funny how I don’t have things to blog about nowadays. Totally lost that creativity.

Till then! I’d still be blog-hopping!

I just got back from work one evening, feeling really tired. I noticed that the dark circles under my eyes were exceptionally bad that day… but was so happy to be home, and looking forward to the long weekend break from work.

Went into my sister’s room, spotted her in front of the laptop. I tilted by chin inwards, rolled my eyes upwards, glared at her to her face and sang the infamous “The phantom of the opera is hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…. inside your minddddddddddd”, intending for her to notice my really dark eye circles and be “scared”.

But… all I got was..

Sis: ???? (blur)
Sis: What are you doing??
Me: ….
Me: Just wanted to scare you.. see my eye so black today (pointing to under the eyes)
Sis: Ha? Everyday also like that lah..
Me: ………

Chis.

After the delicate Nonohon Zoku was spoilt by its not-so-delicate owner the owner decides that she  was never gonna lay her hands on any delicate stuff again. And THEN.. she found something else  very similar that she could do anyyyyything with. *evil grin*

My favourite thing for the moment….

Meet…

Mr. Yellowman!

Cute or not?

Doesn’t it make you happy by just simply looking at it???? But wah can be irritating at times when you’re in a foul mood…

“Why so happy? smile what smile.. chis…!”

But hor.. Can play and torture. Very fun.

Can become diamond face.

Can become flat-faced like pancake or moon-faced.

Can become fat and lazy like a couch potato..

Can look like a lady with aunty hairdo.

Can have distorted face.

Can become bean-head.

And etc etc etc etc. Malas to upload already.

Mr Yellowman’s also got a new friend lately.

Bananaman! He was a gift for my convocation!

They like to chill on the bed together when I’m not around!

Or that’s where he stays all night when I’m asleep, while Bananaman gets suffocated under my smelly armpit all night.

I woke up to pee at about 7 am++, and much to my delight, it was going to rain.. So glad I could sleep in! Evil hoh. Then I see the others getting ready for work. hee hee.

I checked for mister sun, and saw a round orange ball in the midst of the dark clouds. AHHHHHH and by the time I grabbed my camera and took a few lousy shots, the orange ball was diminishing already. Better than none lah ha. Can you see mister sun?

Kinda scares me though. Hardly encountered a sky as such. Or maybe it just looks scarier and different from the 11th floor. Feels as if armageddon or tornado or something disastrous was about to happen! So scary, never seen such a sky before.

Anyway, I’m off to KL tomorrow. Wee-hee. A little excited.. a little dreading. Stupid ceremony. Argh. Feeling a bit naughty. Should I skip the stupid ceremony???

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm….

(This is an old post I wrote about a month ago. I thought I should just publish lah! The later paragraphs were newly added though.)

I’ve been treating myself better. Within a few months I started work, I’ve learned so much things… not just about teaching children, but a lot about myself.. coping with life, work, stress, fun.. all at once. It’s been almost three months since my Redang trip!

Haha, I know it’s stale news already, and I haven’t even posted any photos anywhere (by now I’ve already posted it.. hahaha)… I know some of you’ve been asking. Anyway, for my own memory sake, I think I’d better pen down about what I’ve enjoyed most about the trip. *sighs* …..Though thinking back about it now doesn’t even bring back the excitement that it had. Has it been that long already? I guess a lot has happened since…

The trip made me feel alive once again.. doing what youths are supposed to do. Go out there and have fun.. and all that. It definitely felt great. I loved the nights by the sea, just lying down and watching the sky-ful of stars, the sounds of the waves hitting the shores… reflecting upon life… You just wish those moments would just stay. And when we got bored of the stars, we’d just chat and laugh away about everything, putting all worries behind us. I miss that! Augh.

Of course the night wouldn’t be complete without a can of beer in hand.. The island was truly beautiful, the sea was great. We even befriended some diver masters whom we hung out with for the few days we were there. . and they brought us everywhere! Such advantage going in a group of all-girls. *wink*

It was all good except that my stupid mind couldn’t resist reminding about the work load that were waiting for me back here at the time. The trip was great. Though not so great AFTER it. I felt horribly depressed about coming back to the “real world”.. and especially splitting with my friends who were heading back to KL at the airport. That was pretty emo.

I then became really depressed about work. I couldn’t sleep some nights.. and sometimes I just woke up in the middle of the night, worrying and thinking. I was not interested to go out anymore.. I could find something to grumble about in everything much more than normal. I talked much less. I focused so much on myself, I forgot to care for others. I even lost some weight.. contemplated quitting the job.. I stopped a lot of other things that I enjoyed doing.

Thankfully I did not stay that way. Things got better because I learned to COPE. I learned to be less harsh with myself. I learned that it’s alright to make mistakes. I learned that I’m HUMAN. I am STILL learning to cope; learning to persevere. Like right now, I’m stressing and dwelling upon some petty stuff at work that i shouldn’t be focusing too much on.

………and I’ve still a lot to learn. *BIG SIGH*

I am not sure how to end this post. Well…….. perhaps not everything needs an END huh?

I’ve been wanting to blog, but not sure what I should write about. Working life is more stable now, I am able to cope better; though life has still been pretty stagnant; not as “happening” as I’d hoped it to be. I need some excitement! And so far, all my travelling plans have been on hold, and some have been cancelled… for some annoying reasons. Augh. Why do I feel like I can’t blog about personal things anymore.

There’s been so many things I wanted to blog about.. but as time passes… it just doesn’t feel like news anymore. Anyway….

I’m going to attend my convocation ceremony in KL next weekend. I am NOT looking forward to it. In fact, I am DREADING it. It’s a waste of time and money! And graduation was a year ago.. No more feel lah. But still… It’s a once in a life time thing that a graduand is obliged to attend. Oh well.

And for this stupid ceremony, I have to take leave, and sacrifice my holidays to do make-up classes. ARGH ARGH ARGH! I could have taken diving lessons at this time *sighs*… bye bye to i-must-learn-diving-by-this-year plan.

Though I find myself going back home to mommy and daddy and Fluffy more often than I thought I’d be, once I started working.. thanks to Airasia promotions.

I spend so much time at home to notice the nice sunset colours in the sky one evening.

And was craving for Apple pie yesterday… Went to buy ingredients to bake right away. And THEN I saw this:

Only $6.90. Even cheaper than what I’d spent if I were to bake. HAHAHA. Cannot tahan. I took this and put back all the ingredients I’d placed in the basket Call me cheap.

Not much to blog about these days.. besides work.. which I am not gonna blog about. Anyway.. been baking again! People go back to basics, but I’m forever stuck at basics. Hahaha. I love simple stuff. Chocolate chip cookies being my favourite. And my first baked Classic cheesecake. I’ve only made chilled and frozen ones so far.

Chocolate-chip cookies.. with somewhat obscene nipple-like chips. HAHAAHAHAHAHAHA

A plate full of my favourites. So shiok just looking at it. I finished 80% of it.

Baked cheesecake. Tastes great, but kinda sticky! Like get stuck at the throat like that.  I dumped 1 kg of cream cheese inside eh. HAHA! I like it lah, but  my bro says it’s too sticky and he said probably didn’t bake long enough. Oh well. I don’t know Any pointers?

For the third time last night, I dreamed of grandpa. Each time in my dream, he was still alive, only to die again and again in my dreams. I always dreamed that he was still alive, and THEN he died, and then the funeral. But it was always in different settings than the real one.

So, last night, again I dreamed that grandpa was still alive, and he died, and then the funeral. The only odd thing was that the funeral was at my GRANDMA’s place!!! It’s weird indeed, because grandpa’s my paternal grandpa, and grandma, maternal. And for the fact that not long from now, grandma would leave us too. *sighs*

In my dream, I was really sleepy during the funeral, and I drifted off. (I could even sleep in my dream, wow) And then when I woke up, everyone had gone to send grandpa to the graveyard. I was SO upset, I was crying in my dream, that nobody woke me up to send him off. I remembered sobbing and regretting my nap. And then I can’t remember the rest of the dream anymore.

Maybe in my mind, I haven’t really accepted the fact that he’s gone, or maybe I haven’t accepted death as part of life. Knowing that we’re all gonna die some day, and believing it… are two different things, no?

Grandpa’s passing was the first death that I’ve experienced in my life. Though I was never grandpa’s favourite, it just feels somewhat empty that he’s gone now. Though I only get to see him when I go back home, and that I don’t normally MISS him, I now somehow wish he’s still around. That’s how strong his presence was.

Things are just different now, without him.

I was just sitting there, waiting for the next train,
To home sweet home at last..
After a long tiring day.
Then you appeared from the stairs,
And for a girl who doesn’t look twice at guys, I noticed you.
Oh, and I know you saw me too.

I brushed that aside very quickly,
And was back to chatting mode with my companion.
You were standing in front of me, and I could only see your back,
Not that I even bothered, but you were just there,
Right in front of me, how could I not notice
Your very formal attire, your sling laptop bag,
And how smart you looked in them.

I was giggling and talking,
Answering questions and suggesting opinions. (Or at least, trying to..)
And then I saw from the corner of my eye…
With your jacket hanging in one hand,
I saw you turning your whole body towards my direction,
And I didn’t even think, but I remembered turning to look at you too.

We were facing each other,
And there…… our eyes just met… like in the movies,
There were a few seconds, when it felt like everything else had stopped moving, and there were just us.
………before we both turned to look away in awkwardness.
Suddenly I became self-conscious.
I felt my heartbeat quickened,
There was something there, that I’ve never felt before
Meeting the eyes of a total stranger!
I don’t know if you could have felt the same way,
But not that it mattered anyway.

And then the train finally arrived,
I didn’t realize it, but I noticed where you stood.
As I got off the train, I wanted to look back once more,
But my head says no, and so I kept walking..
And up the stairs…. with my head down…
Bidding a silent goodbye.

I guess this must have been one of the instances that James Blunt felt when he wrote his oh-so-famous “Beautiful” song. And oh.. yeah.. only…. only that I wasn’t beautiful like that

HAHAHAHA………….

Just a sudden inspiration to write Copyright ok if ever anyone even bothers to copy, that is! HAHAHA.

Ladies, ever had one of these moments?

Sorry, I know I’ve not been at all consistent in updating. Life hasn’t been very smooth-sailing for me…. been weighed down my stress. I’m still adjusting.. still trying to cope with my life now. I’m so overwhelmed by work that I feel lost suddenly when I’m off and supposed to be doing something other than work. And the only thing my mind could think about now is-WORK! AUGH.

Sorry I haven’t been leaving comments and blog-hopping like I used to. Thanks to my loyal readers who’d still come by once in a while, hoping to see updates.. and yet still get the same old boring post loaded on the screen every single time.

Grandma’s been ill, and I was home for just a few days.. to at least see her before the “time” comes. A weird feeling came over me… that I’m gonna lose both my grandparents in less than a year. No more grandparents left already. I’m starting to accept that as a circle of life.

It’s my brother’s turn to go home today. As I watched him pack and get ready to go to the airport, my heart just felt so heavy.. I just wished I could also pack my bags spontaneously and just leave all commitments and burdens behind and just fly home again.

wellll… what do I do now? pstt carrots.. I don’t feel like baking lei… hahahah. Ah I guess it’s work again after all.